Catha For Council Blog

You are a human being, right? You also believe you are either
male or female, right? You also have other roles you play in
your life, like mother, father, brother, sister, employee,
employer, boss, manager, in-law — and the list, I’m sure, goes
on. But have you ever thought of yourself as a miracle. Not in
the sense of your birth. Of course, that is a miracle. In the
sense of your every day life. Do you walk around all day long
and see yourself as a miracle worker?

If you did, just imagine how much taller you would stand, less
rushed you would be, and how much fear you would live without.
Well, sit straighter right now. Because you are. You are a
miracle. You are a miracle worker, if you choose to be. You have
been given that choice too.

Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of riding in the limo with
Deepak Chopra, on his way to speak at the IONS conference in
Crystal City, Arlington, Virginia. And this was one of the
topics that morning with everyone in the car. We tossed back and
forth the characteristics of a miracle and all the other angles.
Although it was just one of many interesting conversations I
enjoyed that week, this one instantly changed my life.

When we got closer to the hotel, the car grew quiet except for
the purring of the engine. Deepak was meditating, and I joyously
recorded the wisdom of our conversation and all that was
churning inside of me.

In big bold letters, “If I want to have a miracle, be that
miracle,” flowed from my pen. I stopped, stunned. I couldn’t
continue writing nor look up. Tears quietly rolled down my
cheek. The message was so powerful it turned into a muffled sob.
My skin tingled and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment even
though I wasn’t sure who, if anyone, was watching me.

A hand touched my shoulder. Our eyes met. The corners of
Deepaks eyes were watery too. I knew in that instant he
received the same message. No words were exchanged just a nod
from him. Later that day, in his stage presentation, he
discussed this event incognito.

The power of joined energy is a miracle. The power of our own
energy is a miracle waiting for a decision to happen. It begins
with our decision. We have the power of miracles.

Miracles take action. It takes generosity. It takes selfishness.
It takes a second, a minute, or ten minutes. The bottom line is:

“If you want to have a miracle, be that miracle.”

Since this beautiful moment of tying energy this same message,
same wording, has repeated itself in a book, and other places.
Even though they weren’t as powerful as that moment when our
eyes locked, it still shows that we need to hear it, be reminded
of it, consistently until we decide to inherent it into our
daily beliefs and life.

This message doesn’t just work during the holiday season. It is
there for our choice every waking moment. You are the tree that
lives in the forest and help the forest be a forest. It is the
tree that falls hard in the forest but gently ripples into the
rest of the world.

The miracles you create in the check out line at the grocery
store with people in front of you, behind you, and the cashier,
are miracles. don’t just wish for miracles. Be that miracle,
everyday, every second, and it begins with a new way of looking
at yourself. Be a miracle to yourself and let it ripple out.
Stand tall, walk like the miracle you are. Let it touch everyone
today, tomorrow, next year, and the year after. The world is
changing because of miracles. Be that miracle.

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“I can’t wait!” she exclaimed over the phone. The anticipation in her voice was evident as we scheduled a time to meet and discuss her new fund raising project. This client had a gigantic goal. She also needed lots of information in order to begin.

It was her first attempt at charitable fund raising. She was also the first client I had coached who had a fund raising goal. However, she was determined, and I was ready.

I had been involved with fund raising for years and had made countless phone calls on behalf of charitable projects. I had written grants and worked with many community groups and committees.

Although I had worn various “hats”, I would spend most of my time doing what I was best atspeaking to potential contributors face to face. Now I sensed that this person’s strength would also be face-to-face contact. This startled me at first, and I thought, “How in the world would I know that?”

Then it dawned on me; something more had been happening all these years that I had not once stopped to consider. I could share what had worked, had not worked, and what might work depending on the motive and personality of the potential supporter. I could also recognize a particular passion for working directly with people.

I had not simply been doing volunteer work. I now know that I was creating a contribution of another kindexperience. I could not give all the answers, but I had some good “clues.” It was the right time to share them.

All of us have had valuable life experiences. Have you traveled or had a hobby? Have you been a student, a teacher, a parent, a project leader, an employer, or an employee? Have you worked with animals, people, autos, planes, trains, or teams?

The possibilities are endless. No one has experienced life exactly as you have. You are unique, and your contributions will be unique.

The voice of our experience is usually silent. It does not remind us that we are soaking up life’s lessons as we take the kids to school, talk on the phone, visit our friends, drive through the mountains, or walk along the beach.

However, it will speak when the time is right. It will guide uswith the right wordsin offering our contributions.

We need not try to be perfect; we will not make it that far in this world. However, if we make the best contributions we are capable of making, life will give its best back to us.

© Copyright 2005 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular mini-zine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life. Get the next issue by visiting http://www.AchieveEzine.com

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The other day, someone was giving me some unsolicited advice. He was telling me that in order to grow my business, I needed to change the way I dress. He said that instead of dressing like a professional, I needed to dress in gypsy-like clothing. “That way,” he said, “people will be more inclined to remember you. I know it works because that’s the way I do it.”

Thanks, but no thanks. I told him that while I was glad that dressing in gypsy-like clothing worked for him and his audience, that wouldn’t work for me because I do not feel comfortable in that kind of clothing. I feel more comfortable dressed in professional clothing. He insisted and told me to just do it. He said, “Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it.”

Now, that’s exactly what I need - someone to dress me. Hey, why don’t I just give up complete control and give this guy the reins since he knows what’s best for me? People like that get on my nerves. If I want your advice, I will ask for it. Just like if you want my advice, you will ask for it.

The point here is that we need to be more sensitive with our advice-giving. People pay me to coach, teach, and consult with them when they are interested in growing in consciousness. This is what I do and I do it very well. It is the only time that I will give advice. Basically, what I’m saying is that anyone wanting my advice has to pay me for it. Otherwise, I won’t give it because of sensitivity issues.

We all need to take a step back and look at why and how often we give unsolicited advice. Are we giving it because it works for us or because we truly think it’s in the best interest of the other party? Most often, we give it because it works for us. This is the exact reason we shouldn’t give it. What works for me works for me; what works for you works for you. We have different lives with different experiences and different belief systems. There is no way that every solution that works for me will also work for you. We are too different.

I try to keep this in mind every time I feel like I know the answer to someone else’s problems. My mind chatter may insist on giving unsolicited advice, but my controlled self-talk knows better. What works for me may not work for the other person so I keep it to myself.

My challenge to you is to start paying attention to when you give unsolicited advice. Is it because it worked for you? Does the other person accept it? Start gauging how this works for you. In the meantime, I’ll stick with my professional clothing.

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How do you get on with others? Are all people your brothers and sisters or do you despair of the whole human race? Whichever attitude is most like yours, you may agree that the way we get on with each other is one of the key factors in determining what kind of life we have.

The different types of intelligence Howard Gardner is a Harvard professor of psychology who has developed the theory of multiple intelligences - the idea that people can be smart in at least eight separate areas, rather than just in the traditional IQ-test way.

Among the different types are physical intelligence, linguistic intelligence, musical intelligence and interpersonal intelligence - being the ability to get along with a wide range of people. This last type has been explored recently under the name ‘Emotional Intelligence’. Another kind is called intrapersonal intelligence - the ability to get along with yourself.

So many problems between people arise when one or both of them have a confused relationship with themselves that affects the way they see the world.

The perfect hostess

Think of someone you know who is a wonderful host or hostess: a person who gives great parties where everyone feels comfortable and at ease, someone who can break the ice, no matter how frosty it feels. Is it coincidence, or is it the way they go about planning and running their social events?

John D Rockefeller, the founder of Standard Oil, is on record as saying ‘I will pay more for the ability to deal with people than for any other skill’. He knew that business is built on relationships and he hired people who were great at developing them.

Feeling connected - the key to a happy life

What if you don’t run a corporation or give lavish parties? Are you excused the need to know how to get on with people? In my experience, a key to a happy life is making good relationships with others. There may be a few people who genuinely would rather be alone, but most of us feel much happier when we feel connected to people and can share things with them.

This may seem pretty familiar to you. You may even think what I’ve written is obvious, so let me ask you - how much thought do you give to those everyday, familiar relationships in your life? Have you just accepted that you’ll never get on with someone you see frequently? Are you resigned to a so-so marriage or a lapsed friendship? Do you hate your boss? Do you avoid seeing relatives because it gets too complicated?

If you feel that things might possibly be better than they’ve been so far, take heart. You can learn how to improve matters. I know this because for fourteen years I have been helping people to understand themselves and others better and to find new ways of approaching people so things go well. Whether it is learning the ability to save your marriage or to turn around a hostile relationship with your boss or get on better with your family, these changes can be made - you need not feel stuck.

So, what’s your story?

It all depends on the story you tell yourself - about who you are, about other people, about what’s right and wrong and what matters. The story you tell defines all your reactions to events in your life. Your story determines the attitudes you take, the expressions on your face and the way others behave towards you.

You know what it’s like when you’re in a bad mood - it’s as if everyone you see is scowling back at you. The world can seem a hostile place - until you learn to use your natural ability to see things differently - to tell yourself a better story.

Making sense of things

From birth, we build up an explanation and description of the world in an attempt to make sense of things and to learn from experience. The trouble is we do it unconsciously. This means we’re not aware of what we’re doing, especially when we’re children. By the time we grow up we tend to assume that the way we are ‘Just happened’, because that’s how it feels.

Here are some examples:

1) John had an angry, sarcastic maths teacher who told him he was useless. He would give up when faced with numbers and failed his exams. As an adult he had assumed that maths was not one of his strengths and left it at that.

With help John changed his story from ‘I can’t do it’ to I’m overcoming bad teaching’ - now he is calm with numbers and deals with them perfectly well.

2) Ann’s family moved often, so she was always the new girl at school. She was shy, some girls picked on her, and she avoided new relationships. She got used to being alone as an adult.

With help Ann changed her story from ‘No-one likes me’ to ‘I can get to know decent people who behave well’ - now she has several growing friendships.

My Story

When I was a kid I would only get involved in the stuff I enjoyed. If I found something dull or too difficult I would ignore it. My father decided to help me overcome my resistance by being so scary it seemed easier to do what he said.

It’s a commonplace story, and the reason why, years later, I found myself trying to undo this terrible habit I had of immobilising myself with fear whenever I faced a challenging situation.

Do something different

By the time we grow up we tend to confuse what we’re used to with what is possible - yet we have the potential to change our lives in many ways. All I had done in my story was to copy Dad’s method. The problem was it made things worse.

You see, in our unconscious minds we’re always doing the best we currently know how to do according to the story we tell ourselves. Unfortunately, when it doesn’t work we do the same thing, only harder.

You may have heard insanity defined as ‘Doing the same things and expecting different results’. It’s pretty clear that the way to improve results must be to do something different. Like they say, it’s easy when you know how.

So what’s your story - and more to the point - what would you like it to be?

Graham Smith is a musician, writer, coach and therapist. His composition Calmtime is a relaxation CD for mother and baby, available at http://www.calmtime.com He and his partner Daphne Nancholas are currently working on the next album.

You can learn more at http://www.smithandfriends.co.uk As a session musician he has recorded or performed with Eric Clapton, Harry Nilsson, Cat Stevens, Bob Weir, Al Stewart and many other artists.

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