Catha For Council Blog

Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement–these are strategies for self-defense. Mental and physical abuse must never be tolerated.

Restraining orders. The legal remedy for domestic harassment and violence is a restraining order–an order from the court, served personally on your spouse, forbidding certain conduct. Restraining orders are available as part of a divorce action.

If you, your children or anyone in your household has been physically abused or threatened with harm, you can have the abuser ordered to move out and stay away from the family residence. Child visitation can be ordered for specific times and places, away from your home and, if necessary, under supervision. It takes very clear proof of danger or harm to the child to forbid visitation altogether.

In extreme cases, most states permit emergency orders to be issued ex parte–without notice to or participation of your spouse. These orders are binding until a hearing can be held and more orders issued after both sides have had a chance to tell their side.

Here’s the good news: more than 85 percent of all restraining orders are adhered to. Being served with orders from a court seems to have a good effect on most abusers, and, more to the point, they now know that you are serious about not being a victim. Think about it this way:

• Is your spouse the kind of person who will respect a court order?


• Will he or she care about the police coming out or being dragged into court and lectured by a judge?


• Does your spouse have a reputation, money or property to protect?


• Or will your spouse, in the heat of rage, ignore the threat or reality of official sanctions?

When you go for restraining orders as part of your divorce action, you can also request temporary orders for support, custody, and visitation that will set the terms of your separation until a full-scale trial is held or a settlement reached. Temporary orders can be very useful if you need them to stabilize your case or get support coming in.

Police. If you get a restraining order, be sure to file it with your local police. This can put them under extra pressure to protect you. But even if you do not have court orders, call the police if you are the victim of domestic harassment or violence, and keep calling them. At the very least, you will be building a case and developing evidence.

Police may be an unreliable source of help in domestic situations, although this will vary from place to place. They have been accused of prejudice and sexism, but whether or not that is true, their conduct is also based on years of frustrating and dangerous experience. Police are much more likely to get hurt and less likely to do any real good in domestic disputes than in any other kind of case.

This difficult issue has received a great deal of public attention, so police agencies now tend to have standards for dealing with domestic violence. Some departments have officers specially trained in family crisis intervention.

Ask responding officers if they can refer you to available spouse abuse shelters, support groups or relevant community services agencies. Call your local police, talk to them about your problem and see what their attitude is and in what way they are willing to help. Start a record in their files.

Self-help. The best help is the kind you give yourself. The only thing you can control in life is your own attitude, actions and reactions, so start there. What part do you play in the cycle that leads to abuse? Try to avoid the things that set your spouse off. This does not mean to give up and roll over, but it does mean learning to express yourself cleanly and not to provoke. In most disturbed relationships, there is some pattern of action and reaction that builds to an eruption. Try to understand your part and stop the cycle.

Don’t be a victim. Spouse abuse is a very common problem, so you are not unique or alone. Nearly every community has professionals, agencies, and support groups that have a great deal of experience and special knowledge about domestic conflict. This is your most important source of help and support. Get in touch with them. To find a local support group, ask a minister, call the police department or a social services agency. If one group or counselor isn’t what you want, try another.

There are many practical steps you can take. Maybe you can get help from friends and family, possibly have someone move in with you for a while, or get a roommate. In general, abuse is drastically reduced when other people are around. One obvious practical solution is to move away, either for good or at least until things cool down. Or change all the locks, bar the windows and get an unlisted phone number. Or get a big dog. Or take self-defense classes. If necessary, hide–it may be better than being someone’s easy target. The main thing is this: do whatever you must to create your own peace and safety; do not depend solely on police or court orders to solve your problem.

This article is an excerpt from the award-winning book Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better. You can order the book from Nolo Press Occidental or by calling (800) 464-5502.



Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from http://www.nolodivorce.com or by calling (800) 464-5502.

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People are using the Internet for meeting singles because people’s lives are getting busier everyday and there’s not enough time. The web has thousands of articles that are full of tips about dating singles online but the best tips are the ones that explain that it’s best to be as open and honest as possible so the internet dating site can get you a serious match. Sometimes individuals will ignore the advice they get and lie on their profile or make themselves seem different then they really are - to draw in a particular kind of individual. Being dishonest won’t usually bring in the results you are looking for and will usually cause problems later.

Some good advice for internet dating is to utilize the greatest photo (of you) possible. It should be up to date (not some photo of you fifteen years ago). You really have to utilize a photo of yourself - not any actor/actress that you guess will look acceptable to the other gender. Your picture is the first thing people will discover and should display you in the greatest light manageable.

Many online dating advice that you will find online speak about introducing your involvements so that you will find individuals that have simliar pastimes. You should really list YOUR interests and not some common ones that you consider will supply greater results. To avoid any potential surprises later on so you should really list all your involvements, no matter how crazy you think there are.

The internet singles dating sites commonly have some pretty sophisticated ways of matching people up but they aren’t complete. Some will make errors! It doesn’t always mean that you are a healthy match just because a computer says so. Definitely check them out, talk to them, email them before settling on meeting up.

There are millions of people looking for that special someone and if you want to try the online dating sites, you should definitely read this advice. You should always be thorough when using these websites - and remember to be safe. Dating on the web is not ensured to provide acceptable, safe results. Use your instincts, and have fun!

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“A nation cannot be attacked unless we are also the enemy”

If there is a positive side to the tragedy of terrorist attacks, it may be the motivation to look inside, reflect, and cherish the moment. In our hectic North American lives, many of us rarely take the time for these precious endeavors. Terrorist attacks occur not just between cultures, but between communities, individuals, and within the human psyche, as well. Whether an organization of people hi-jack airplanes, or an executive steals from the company, or a co-worker perpetuates mean-spirited gossip, or an individual practices self-criticism - all these actions contribute to the energy of terror. The Universal Law of Attraction states that what you judge, controls you. What you judge, you breed, attract and become. When you judge yourself or others, lay blame, or act out of vengeance, you are adding to the world vibration of terrorism. We are all responsible for what happened last week, and really accepting that responsibility can help stop it.

That said, it is human nature to judge, blame, and be vengeful. There is always the trap of becoming judgmental of those who judge. We all can succumb to it. However, each moment we have a choice to come from love and compassion instead. There are email letters, minister’s sermons, and negotiator’s discussions imploring us to act from wisdom not rage, to find justice not revenge. Yet to rise past the level of judgement, and vengeance is no easy feat especially for those of us with unresolved childhood wounds. We can however use an opportunity like this to transform the negativity, to use it as our soil from which to create something new and beautiful.

Let us study the patterns of human interaction on both the macrocosmic and microcosmic levels. In the field of conflict resolution, we can identify the “terrorist” attack as a huge call for help - whether it is on a grand or small scale. If we listen and validate the core feelings of our so-called “enemy”, we have won half the battle. Some would say these actions come from pure evil, the leaders of terrorist groups have no conscience, and to validate their perspective is to sanction their behavior. It is imperative to differentiate perspectives from actions. Though there may be sociopathic individuals among terrorist groups, the majority of them are people who just want the same things we all want - love, respect, safety. If we want it from them, let us give it in return. Once both sides of a battle feel validated, only then we can begin to access our creativity, and find mutually satisfying solutions.

Many of us are asking how we can help the larger situation in the world. Above and beyond giving blood, money, flowers, prayers, and listening, there is another option. Meditate and/or journal for 20 minutes each day on inner peace. That may sound like a trite answer, but I believe it is the foundation to everything else we say we want. There is an old African proverb that states it succinctly “If there is no enemy within, the enemy without can do us no harm.” If terrorist attacks are in part caused by a rift between the have’s and the have-nots of the world - look inside for that same inner conflict.

Do you validate certain parts of your psyche and invalidate others?

Do you judge yourself for not being good enough in some way?

Notice how the inner terrorist may manifest in your life. For some people it is through illness, addictions or depression. For others it may be losing or forgetting things or having an accident. What are the core feelings behind the actions of the inner terrorist? Write them out. It may be never acknowledging that what you do and who you are is enough. Or, perhaps it is sacrificing important values to be accepted by others. Once you have identified the core interests of the inner terrorist, see if you can really listen and validate those interests. Ask for guidance if that is part of your spiritual practice. Once you can do it within, you add to the collective ability to do it externally. Don’t wait for others to do it. Peace starts at home, within you. Fear and terror cannot thrive in a world of love. If we bombard our own psyches, communities and world with love - it may indeed conquer all.

Carla Rieger is an expert on creative people skills at work. If you want a motivational speaker, trainer, or leadership coach to help you stay on the creative edge, contact Carla Rieger.

Web site: http://www.carlarieger.com
Tel: 1-866-294-2988
Email carla@carlarieger.com

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Ask the Marriage Maven: Help! My Husband’s Buddies are Butting into My Marriage

Q. My husband always wants to hang out with his “boys”. He used to hang out with them a lot before we got married, and I thought that after we got married things would change and that he’d want to spend more time with me. Wrong!

It would be different if they did something productive, but all they do is sit around watching TV, playing video games, and listening to music. None of them have wives or serious girlfriends, except my husband so I know they talk about other women, too.

We’ve only been married a year, and I already feel like we’re slipping into an old married couple relationship. A lot of fussing–and not much good communication. I’m afraid we won’t make it past year two. What can I do to make him want to spend more time with me?

J. N.

A. It is important that you and your husband spend a good amount of time together, especially as you guys are still learning what marriage is all about. But breaking up the boys club could be disastrous to your marriage. So I would not recommend telling your husband to cut his friends off completely, unless they are encouraging him to be unfaithful to you or contributing to addictive behaviors.

I know it can be annoying if your husband seems like he’d rather spend time with his buddies instead of you, but you’ll need to give him some rope. Whatever you do, don’t nag him about his time with his friends and let it be a constant source of bickering. Be clear that you want to spend more time with him, but let your actions be positive.

Here are three positive actions you can take:

1. Encourage the boys to meet in your house. Make his friends feel welcome in your home, make snacks (if you like to cook), and give them room to do their thing.

2. Suggest regular dates with your husband. Fill his social calendar at least once or twice a week with a planned activity that you two can share together. These dates don’t have to be expensive or overly involved. They can be as simple as a walk in the park or coffee at you local coffee shop. You can initiate until he feels the need to do more of the planning.

3. Another solution would be to set his friends up. I know that it’s a little sneaky and risky, but it can work. If they’re just two or three of them, have monthly mixers (or get-togethers) in your home with them and some of your single girlfriends. Who knows, they may hit it off, thereby freeing up some of your husband’s time.

A combination of these three suggestions, will probably work best. They’ll broaden your social life and deepen your relationship with each other. I hope these ideas have been helpful. I’m wishing you all the best in your marriage!

Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of www.Married4Good.com Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.
Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son in metro Atlanta and is writing a book on marriage and relationships, which will be published Spring 2006.

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Falling in love is wonderful, it’s exciting and truly the adventure of a lifetime. I believe in Love at First Sight and I believe in people being “meant for each other”. I also believe that learning to love and be loved is a life long learning experience. That is what this article is about.

There are different ways of looking at love. If you feel love in your heart for your partner, you might consider yourself “In Love” with them. That is a wonderful thing, and obviously where it all starts. Staying in love means you need to “do love”, not just feel it. It means you take time to communicate, compromise, and deeply relate to each other.

The challenge is to discover how to “Do Love” in a way that benefits your own love partnership. I believe the first step is to take very good care of you. Offering your partner your best self is a most excellent gift. Attend to your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs to the best of your ability. Pursue activities that help you develop the best self to offer to your partner. You want to make sure you are as healthy as you can be to fully accept the love your partner is showering back on you too.

You will also want to take a close look at the preconceived ideas you have about love and your relationship with that special person. As you are growing up, you form beliefs about what roles people “should” play in your life. For example, a man might just take it for granted that the women he falls in love with will always cook his dinner and do the laundry. A woman might think the man should be the one that knows how to fix the car or other home maintenance issues.

Be very honest with yourself in making your list of expectations. After you have your list throw it away. The minute you start putting your preconceived expectations on another person, you are in for trouble. Take the time to communicate and compromise with your partner when it comes to domestic responsibilities. Find solutions that work best for both of you.

Now, go on an exploration of what both you and your partner need to feel loved. People experience love in different ways. Perhaps you need to hear love and can ask your partner to tell you often how much they love you and enjoy being with you. Other’s need to feel love. They feel loved when their partner takes the time to be affectionate, kiss them hello and good-bye and freely give hugs and hand holding.

In order to “Do Love”, you want to know what sort of activities to pursue that will help your partner stay reassured of your love for them, in ways they best experience love. You also want to be able to communicate to them how you experience love so they can do the same for you.

Another one of the absolute best things you can do for the love of your life is to stay aware. This is probably the most important and least talked about area of relationships. Your immediate presence is by far the best present you can give to those you care about! Look at them as if they are brand new in your life every day. People change and grow and you want to be in relationship with the person you love today, not the image you have in your head about them. This also helps maintain appreciation for the person sharing their life with you.

Doing Love is something you recommit to every day. It’s an excellent adventure and will help assure that the love you feel for each other stays exciting and fresh for years to come! If you would like more specific suggestions for your unique love life, or want to learn more about the topics discussed in this article, please feel free to email me at anytime.

Tracy Togliatti is a Registered Reiki Master through the Global Reiki Association and an Energy Psychology Practitioner. Tracy is also acting Director of http://www.happyher.com, where she offers a Free Advice service and free email Reiki lessons. You may contact her anytime here http://www.happyher.com/advice/contact.shtml.

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Attempts to use the worldwide Web as an effective means of struggle against bureaucracy are undertaken constantly and sometimes successfully. Today it is possible to fill in a tax declaration, apply for bankruptcy or to receive a legal consultation. And lately there are sites offering online divorce services.

It is usually easier to marry than to divorce, especially if the spouses who wish to do so must divide their common property as well.

Divorce is extremely difficult business in rich families. For wealthy Americans in this case, it is accepted that the former husband or wife may pay rather large sums of money for the divorce process. It is not enough that the divorce in itself involves strong emotional stress, so they also pay an extra thousand on top of the $10-20,000 to lawyers to carry out this occupation, and sometimes it is even more.

Why should we lose the money and time applying for divorce, if there is the cheap and fast alternative - divorce online. You find the site, take your mouse, you press on the button - and you are a divorced person. With a minimum of formalities, as in Las Vegas, for the conclusion of a failed marriage appears the divorce.

To terminate a marriage on site, a couple wanting to apply for divorce need only a credit card and a computer with access to the Internet. The divorce case was finished within 30 minutes and cost $199.

People who hate discussing and relaying specific instances in dialogues with lawyers use the services of the site. In the virtual world of divorce, the couple that does not require court, after inputting all necessary data for divorce, merely prints the forms, signs them, and sends them to the judge. That is all.

The high cost of lawyers has not forced people to refuse divorce. The deep reasons for divorce lie in the emotional - sensual sphere. The most painful and unpleasant situation is dialogue with a third party hired to engage in and bear your personal problems in general divorce discussion.

The founder and head of a company like Legalhelper.org that supplies online documents for divorce disagrees with the opinion of opponents that cheap divorce can minimize the importance of divorce. It is true that the divorce will cost them only $199 but this will not push the majority of people to end less-considered marriages faster and more often. Similarly, the high cost of lawyers has not forced people to refuse divorce. The deep reasons for divorce lie in the emotional - sensual sphere. The most painful and unpleasant situation is dialogue with a third party hired to engage in and bear your personal problems in general discussion.

Note that Legalhelper.net provides an easy-to-use, quick, and economical online method for creating completed legal forms from its site for your uncontested divorce (either no-fault divorce or fault divorce).

About The Author

James Wood - Software programmer for 15 years

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Raleigh, NC-The largest divorce firm in the state, Rosen Law Firm, says they’re not surprised by the sharp increase among Army divorce rates and that more needs to be done to counsel the spouses left at home and those deployed overseas.

“There’s a huge difference between typical divorces that we see on a daily basis and the military divorces that we’re seeing,” says Janet Fritts, a divorce attorney with Rosen Law Firm. “The majority of civilian couples we deal with have stopped communicating somewhere during the marriage, but military couples have been communicating in more ways than ever before.”

Divorce experts say young military marriages, co-ed military units, financial decision-making, and the bureaucracy of being a military officer’s spouse are just some of the factors contributing to the already established problems of spousal absence and combat stress among military families.

“Allocation of finances is a huge problem because so many military members have no control over their finances when they’re overseas and their at-home spouses are spending the monthly checks the way they see fit, sometimes on their new love relationships,” says Fritts. With deployments being more frequent and for longer periods, infidelity is another reason why the Army divorce rates have sharply increased. “A lot of times it’s the women who remain on base to take care of the children and when her husband is gone for 6 months to a year, she may inevitably make new relationships with the men on the base,” says Fritts.

Military couples are usually far away from their families and they are not reminded of their marriage vows because they are so isolated on base or overseas. Fritts also explains the growing co-ed military units are not helping either as more military members are establishing relationships with the opposite sex during wartime.

Statistics show the largest increase recently in Army divorce rates are among officers, a position which Fritts describes as having an enormous responsibility. Coupled with the weight of being an officer, the pressure of being a military officer’s spouse also adds to the problem. “When they’re left by themselves on the military base once their spouse deploys, a lot of spouses stop playing the game of being nice to the other military officer’s spouses,” Fritts explains. “Once the deployed spouse returns there’s a lot of disagreement on the roles played and the bureaucracy of military officers and their spouses.”

Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500

Raleigh, NC 27607

www.rosen.com

“Divorce is Different Here”

With offices in Raleigh, Charlotte, and now Chapel Hill/Durham, Rosen Law Firm is the largest divorce firm in North Carolina. Founded in 1990, the firm is dedicated to providing individual growth and support to couples seeking divorce by helping them move forward with their lives. Our staff of attorneys, accountants, and specially trained divorce coaches expertly address the complex issues of ending a marriage. Our innovative approach acknowledges that divorce is so much more than just a legal matter. Specialties include child custody, alimony, property distribution, separation agreements, and domestic violence relief.

For more information on Rosen Law Firm, or for an interview, please contact: Alison Kramer, Director of Public Relations, Office: 919-256-1542, Cell: 919-523-7104, akramer@rosen.com, http://www.rosen.com

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Stay Married

Along with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when that decision involves an actual process and might potentially involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to get a divorce or stay married can be a frightening time for most people, even if they know deep inside themselves that they have to actually make a decision, one way or another.

People are reluctant to embark on an ‘emotionally driven’ decision making process because they fear that it will be uncomfortable or painful for them. The irony here is obvious…if they need to make this decision, their life or a portion if it, is already uncomfortable. One thing is for certain, deciding whether to get a divorce or stay married is indeed a process.

This process, like any other, includes key elements…elements that need to be examined. The elements of this process are self-revealing and can only come from within the person making the decision. The decision making process is comprised of stages and viewpoints about those stages. Stages are smaller pieces of the overall process and the viewpoints of each of those stages are only defined by the person making the decision. If you’re trying to decide whether or not you should get a divorce or stay married, you must look at the stage of life you are currently in, and understand how you feel about it by clearly defining your viewpoint about it.

Are you completely unhappy?

Relatively unhappy?

Partially unhappy?

Do you feel that your marriage is unhealthy enough that you intend to do something about it?

Etc.

You can look back in the past and reflect on other stages of your life and examine how you felt about those stages if they contributed to your problem as you view it now. Reflecting on the past can be an effective way to identify key occurrences that may have shaped the way your viewpoint is currently. Reflecting also can help you to identify trends in behavior that may have contributed to your viewpoint. But in the end, the viewpoint and stage that matters most is the current one and that’s the one that you need to define and assess most.

It is human tendency to reflect on the past and hold onto thoughts and feelings that were once good, but doing this might keep you in a stale mate if you dwell on the past too much. You have to look at the present time and actually “decide to decide” so to speak. Once you do realize that you need to decide whether or not to get a divorce, there will be things that will creep up that will actually keep you from taking action and deciding.

Here are 5 reasons you might not be deciding to take action when it comes to deciding whether you should get a divorce or stay married:

1. You know that the severity of divorce is something not to be taken lightly so you avoid that “potential” outcome by doing nothing.

I assure you, if you realize that divorce is serious, you’re ahead of the game because it means that you will do what it takes to change your situation!

2. You haven’t decided to take action because you think you actually do want a divorce, and you think that divorce can create emotional scars that take a long time to heal.

3. You know that, whatever the outcome, you’re really not ready to face a potentially painful end result, so you avoid the situation all together.

4. You are just flat out scared to make a decision about divorce because you know that making this difficult decision will involve profound change and deep “self-examination”. And, like most of us, you want to avoid the pain and discomfort that goes with that.

5. You just don’t know where to start because you are confused due to the emotional complexities of the situation. You really don’t know how you feel.

All are these are valid points, but they are really just excuses to do nothing.

And, if you do nothing, the problem will still remain. And that problem is “indecision”.

You haven’t committed to decide. If any of these things are keeping you from making a decision about whether to stay married, you’re doing more harm to yourself than good. In fact, by doing nothing, you are only compounding your problem. You are contributing to your own unhappiness by not taking action and that is just flat out unhealthy!

The first stage to going through the process of deciding whether or not to get a divorce, is to overcome your fear of the potential outcome and embrace this ‘emotionally driven’ process. Defining your fears and identifying why you aren’t making the decision, or at least starting the decision making process about getting a divorce or staying married, is the only way you will be able to reach your ultimate goal…making a final decision to either get divorced or try to work it out.

© Karl Augustine, 2004
“A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”
Deciding on Divorce

Divorce Reasons

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A traditional wedding anniversary gift varies annually. There are certain characteristics of each gift’s description for couples to follow each year. Many couples follow traditional guidelines very carefully. Although it may be considered a little “old fashioned,” these guidelines have been around for many years. Older and younger couples make use of these suggestions to employ tradition. As they’ve been around for many years already, these traditional anniversary suggestions will be around for many more years to come.

Traditional couples are encouraged to be clever with their gift ideas. After all, many traditional gifts require some form of creativity. Take for instance the first and second year anniversary gifts, which are of paper and cotton. That requires some thought! Nevertheless, the first anniversary, which is a traditional gift of paper, provides a large amount of space for options. Gifts can be in the form of money, magazine subscriptions, cards, and stationary. You can personalize any of these gifts or come up with ideas of your own to choose from. Throughout the years, these traditional gives can be kept as mementos or family heirlooms.

Many of the milestones provide platforms for more expensive gifts. For instance, a tenth year anniversary’s traditional gift is China. There’s an unlimited resource of information on China available through the internet. Despite this information, be forewarned that some of the finest China can come with a hefty price tag. If you have questions about specific collectible pieces, go to an official website for price-related information. Others, of course, are less expensive–but quite often look just as good. Perhaps your spouse already has a partial set of fine China that they’ve been collecting. If so, you can always add to their collection.

Traditional wedding anniversary gifts don’t have to be boring. A traditional gift list is meant to be used as a guideline. You can use a purchase a gift made out of a specific material and put your own unique spin on it. Add a spice of your every gift you purchase on an annual basis. Whether it’s a milestone or not. Feeling playful? Wrap the gift in humorous gift-wrap. Give a humorous card. Your spouse will be tickled and thankful that you remembered your special day. Even if they know their gift will be made of, they’ll have no idea what to expect. Your spouse will be filled with anticipation each year.

Jen Carter is owner of My Wedding Blog, a free wedding planner. The following article may be found at Wedding Anniversaries at My Wedding Blog. You may publish our articles on your website only if you do not edit the article in any way including any links, and include the above html as a direct link to our site.

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Okay, now before you get your hopes up, we are going to talk about how you should plan your wedding. We will not plan it for you! That is because every decision that needs to be made for your wedding needs to be your own. It is up to you to decide what colors, flowers, and people will be involved in your wedding. But, here are some things to think about no matter what.

-Begin planning your wedding early. It takes time to find the right places and things for your wedding. And, when you do, they fill up fast. So, get ahead of the game and plan early.

-Plan your wedding around your ideas and your inspirations. This is your day, not your mothers or fathers. Make it your day by celebrating the things that you love not those that you think you need or want. Do what makes you happy.

-Organize your thoughts and wedding plans in a binder. You can purchase wedding planners. They offer a lot of useful knowledge. Or, you can use a simple binder on your own. In any case, having a single place to go for all of your phone numbers, ideas, and thoughts is important. Not only that but it will serve as a great memory as well.

-Include the groom! Don’t forget his needs and desires too! Many times we get wrapped up in what the bride wants and forget that the groom is part of the ceremony too.

-The most important element to remember is that it is not about the cake, flowers, and limos. It is about loving someone and spending your life dedicated to them. Your wedding can be fabulous but will it matter if the marriage ends a few months later? Strive to enjoy your engagement as a beginning of a new life.

Wedding planning can be fun and even enjoyable when you allow yourself the time and patience that is needed. You’ll find the things you want to be less important than the time you spend with your groom and new family. You will enjoy the experience then and will remember it for a lifetime.

Emily Jackson
Weddings Directory

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