Catha For Council Blog

The other day, someone was giving me some unsolicited advice. He was telling me that in order to grow my business, I needed to change the way I dress. He said that instead of dressing like a professional, I needed to dress in gypsy-like clothing. “That way,” he said, “people will be more inclined to remember you. I know it works because that’s the way I do it.”

Thanks, but no thanks. I told him that while I was glad that dressing in gypsy-like clothing worked for him and his audience, that wouldn’t work for me because I do not feel comfortable in that kind of clothing. I feel more comfortable dressed in professional clothing. He insisted and told me to just do it. He said, “Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it.”

Now, that’s exactly what I need - someone to dress me. Hey, why don’t I just give up complete control and give this guy the reins since he knows what’s best for me? People like that get on my nerves. If I want your advice, I will ask for it. Just like if you want my advice, you will ask for it.

The point here is that we need to be more sensitive with our advice-giving. People pay me to coach, teach, and consult with them when they are interested in growing in consciousness. This is what I do and I do it very well. It is the only time that I will give advice. Basically, what I’m saying is that anyone wanting my advice has to pay me for it. Otherwise, I won’t give it because of sensitivity issues.

We all need to take a step back and look at why and how often we give unsolicited advice. Are we giving it because it works for us or because we truly think it’s in the best interest of the other party? Most often, we give it because it works for us. This is the exact reason we shouldn’t give it. What works for me works for me; what works for you works for you. We have different lives with different experiences and different belief systems. There is no way that every solution that works for me will also work for you. We are too different.

I try to keep this in mind every time I feel like I know the answer to someone else’s problems. My mind chatter may insist on giving unsolicited advice, but my controlled self-talk knows better. What works for me may not work for the other person so I keep it to myself.

My challenge to you is to start paying attention to when you give unsolicited advice. Is it because it worked for you? Does the other person accept it? Start gauging how this works for you. In the meantime, I’ll stick with my professional clothing.